Resilience
During the course of my work I have encountered a common occurrence amongst people who are in demanding roles.  The purpose of this page is to ask you for suggestions on how people might come to terms with and more quickly recover their resilience.  Please email me at stephen@spreid.com with your suggestions.  Here is my short story of what I found to be a remarkable experience:

When it all comes to a sudden stop 
Some call it a burn out, some managers call it nervous exhaustion whilst others will describe their experience as a nervous breakdown. Apparently there isn't a specific condition that can be accurately described as a nervous breakdown. Never the less it tends to be a subject few people understand and most shy away from.  A close friend of mine from the south of England says he burnt out but we call it his accelerated MBA program. 

How You View What Happens
He says that because of his experience he's now a better man, a better husband, and a better father to his two young children. His wife agrees. He now manages his work and leisure time well; he's eating better food exercises more often and has cut down on alcohol. In essence he's back in control of his world.  

Back To High Performance
Has his work 'performance suffered?  Absolutely not!  One year on, total sales and profits for the business he runs are now better than ever before and he's much more relaxed about how he will run his complex and demanding business in the future. He's a much better business managing director.

What Worked?
Having been through this sort of experience many years ago may have been important.  He says I played a role in helping him through this distressing experience because I could relate to what he had been going through.  I have to say at first when he asked me for help I was afraid I might say or suggest the wrong things and make his condition worse and so suggested alternative people. He said no to that. 

So what worked for us? There isn't a formula but reasonably frequent walking and talking did play a major role.  I knew 30 minutes exercise a day does make a big difference. We went for often quite long walks any weather, usually 3 times a week - but importantly when he felt like talking.  I thought we would try to stick to common sense ideas about what was going on. 

Quit The Job or Not?
He asked, "Should I give up what I'm doing now?"  In his case I thought that would not be a good move. He might choose to do that AFTER he had recovered.  The reason I thought this way is that changing a job ranks alongside a divorce as a stress factor so my aim was stability first and one less thing to be worried about. He didn't need any more stress from taking on a new job with new demands.  Besides his company had every confidence in him and wanted him to get well - in his own time. It later transpired that some of his peer group had been through the same experience. This sort of experience is difficult to explain unless you've been through it. 

Invisible Injury
You can see a broken leg - there is a plaster caste to write 'get well on'.  But when all the energy has been 'sucked right out of your very bones' you may outwardly appear OK to other people but inside all the walls are collapsing and no one on the outside can see where you are beginning to break.  So the most stupid thing someone will say is  "You like fine, just pull yourself together and you will be OK'.  So how long does a recovery take?

My friend was anxious to hear how quickly he would be better and I avoided an answer because in my opinion there isn't an answer-each person gets better, heals / recovers in their own time.  Instead I asked what his doctor had suggested and said that sounded reasonable.  The truth is if you are going into a burn out or emerging from one - you can and will recover.  If you can exercise and find a friend to talk to this can play an important role in addition to the support offered by a doctor and family.  This is a condition that does need medical support. The medications available today can be a fantastic help as part of a wider program of walking talking and beginning to relearn what really matters and why, to reset the priorities in your life and to get your ideas and thoughts into a better perspective.

I never actually met his doctor but the medic said my friends' recovery was one of the fastest he'd seen. There are probably a lot of reasons for this but I believe that my friend chose to see what had happened positively. He decided he wasn't a victim.  We agreed quite a few other people go through this.  Here was his personal (ok heavy handed) wake up call to make big positive changes to his life - to reconnect to the things that really mattered and to put work back into a proper perspective.  

What Next
Let me know what worked in your experience?
Do you know someone who has gone through this and recovered?
What did they do?
What helped and what hindered their recovery?
Let me know stephen@spreid.com and I'll post it up on this website. (see notes below)

Helping Someone Else
I don't have the resources to manage this next suggestion but it would be great if there was a system in which people help out and 'pay forward'.  You help someone local to get through this and a year or two later they hopefully agree to help a few other people.  This project needs to move off my site, as I don't want to be accused of using this as a promotion tool so I'm looking for

• A not for profit scheme
• Free website hosting
• Volunteers to build the website and to run it - I'm happy to contribute but will hand over
• Volunteers to co ordinate local needs in different locations 
• Perhaps we set up a system that manages a help register - a listing of people within a 10-mile radius who might help one person at a time - one to one.  This would be as and when they have the time and the energy to help someone get back on their feet, for free

We all acquire resilience in different ways.  Successful recovery from a burn out is one way.  More people than you realise have quietly gone down this path and are reluctant to admit openly what they have been through.  Their reasons? I don't know - perhaps stigma or a fear of being judged.

A burn out need not be the end of the road, it’s just a sharp reminder that there is and that there now has to be another better way.  Let us get this taboo out into the open, get the statistics on the table to see just how common this really is. Lets discuss and begin to do something about what CAN be done to help people get back on their feet performing and living well.  Write to me and let me know what is available. Please email me at stephen@spreid.com

Stephen Reid
November 2006